Posts tagged "funny"
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Notes: 1 / 2 years ago
Weird Items for Sale on E-bay
food:
Last hot dog sold at the last Montreal Expos game
Number of bids: 142
Amount it sold for: $2,142
It’s just your basic hot dog, but it also represents the end of an era, at least for one die-hard Montreal Expos fan. Supposedly, it is the last $1 wiener sold at the teams’ very last baseball game. Finally, the Expos made some money. But this is a case of too little, too late.
Grilled cheese with Virgin Mary
Number of bids: Unknown (viewed by over 1.7 million people)
Amount it sold for: $28,000
It’s a basic grilled cheese sandwich with one major difference: it has an image of the Virgin Mary on it. But what’s truly amazing about this item is that it’s 10 years old and there’s no sign of mold! GoldenPalace.com bought it because of — you guessed it — Americana. However, the woman who sold it really did believe that it was a blessed sandwich.
Chip shaped like a boot
Number of bids: 90
Amount it sold for: $1,230
It didn’t come out of a Cracker Jack box, but it may as well have. Picked from a Lay’s Salt and Vinegar flavor potato chip bag, it’s a chip shaped like a boot. That’s pretty cool. Personally, I was just into chips for the taste, but now that I know that there’s money in those bags, well, there isn’t a second to lose.
Britney Spears’ chewed gum
Number of bids: Unknown (but over 10,000 people viewed it)
Amount it sold for: $263
There’s no word on the type of gum or flavor, but we do know that it was retrieved after Britney spit it out outside a London hotel. In some ways, this is the most troubling item. She’s hot, no doubt, but who would want her used gum? If that’s you, do me a favor and stay away from both Britney and me. -
Notes: 2 / 2 years ago
Weird Items for Sale on E-bay
items that don’t exist
Ghost in a jar
Number of bids: 84
Amount it sold for: Highest bid of $99,999,999 (not sold)
There’s a ghost in a jar and it’s terrorizing its owner, so he’s selling it on eBay. Got that? Right, I thought you did. It’s clear that this guy had way too much time on his hands. Of course, so did the 84 other people who bothered to pull his leg back by bidding on it before eBay pulled the item off their site.
Ghost cane
Number of bids: 132
Amount it sold for: $65,000
This is your basic metal walking cane with a story. An Indiana woman put the cane up for sale in the hopes that her 6-year-old son would believe that his grandfather’s ghost would leave the house with it. This might seem ridiculous, but the online casino GoldenPalace.com bought the cane, saying “it’s just the new Americana thing.” More like a big publicity stunt.
Air guitar
Number of bids: Unknown
Amount it sold for: Highest bid was approximately $47,000
We’ve all played one from time to time, but how many guys have sold one? An English guy posted this ad on eBay as a joke, claiming that it was a 17-year-old non-electric model. A Russian man made the highest bid, but at last notice, the seller hadn’t managed to track him down. The guy had a pretty good idea, but there’s no way I would pay for the shipping and handling.Metallica’s integrity
Number of bids: 50
Amount it sold for: Highest bid of $10,000,000 (wasn’t sold)
Apparently, there’s a bitter fan out there who wasn’t happy that Metallica decided to spearhead the campaign against pirated music. I’ll file this one under social protest, since the seller admitted to offering an item that doesn’t really exist. -
2 years ago
Weird Items for Sale on E-bay
clearly illegal items:
Virginity
Number of bids: 17
Amount it sold for: Highest bid was $10,000,000 (whether it truly sold is unknown)
It’s something that we all have (or had at some point), so virginity is pretty self-explanatory. Based on the highest reported bid, I’m going to have to call this one a joke, at least as far as the bidding goes. I just hope that kid got laid. If he made a buck in the process, good for him.
Kidney
Number of bids: Unknown
Amount it sold for: Highest bid reached $5.7 million (sale did not go through)
It’s actually a federal crime to traffic in human organs, but that’s exactly what this guy did when he offered his fully functioning, healthy kidney to the highest bidder. On the one hand, I can see where he’s coming from; technically, you only need one kidney. But you were born with two, and I’m pretty sure the second one wasn’t meant to be sold on eBay.
One night with someone’s wife
Number of bids: 0
Amount it sold for: $15,000 minimum not met
She’s 5’7”, 115 pounds, blonde, with a 36C chest, and she’s for sale. No, she’s not a hooker, just some guy’s wife. Well, it turns out that no matter how you slice it, selling your wife for sexual services is prostitution. Since eBay isn’t a pimp, this sale didn’t actually go through. Was it for real? Probably. I’ll bet you can think of more than a few guys who’d sell their wives for less than $15,000. -
Notes: 2 / 2 years ago
Weird Items for Sale on E-bay
most disgusting items:
Used penis enlarger
Number of bids: 0
Amount it sold for: $19 minimum bid was not met
Most of us have wanted to be bigger down there at one time or another, so the idea of purchasing a penis enlarger isn’t that odd. But who would want to buy a used penis enlarger? Thankfully, no guy wanted to put his best friend into this unsanitary contraption; I’m pleased to report that this item received zero bids. Good work, guys.Toenails
Number of bids: 1
Amount it sold for: $1
Here’s a hot young woman (or so she says) offering all 10 of her toenail clippings. Yikes! I’m not a foot guy, but even if I were, I don’t think that toenails would do it for me. Feet can be kinky; toenail clippings are just plain scary. -
2 years ago
Weird Items for Sale on E-bay
coolest items:
Brett Favre’s house
Number of bids: Unknown
Amount it sold for: A little over $1 million
Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre does everything a little differently than most people, from the way he plays the game to the way he pronounces his name. So it kind of makes sense that he would sell his five-bedroom house, complete with racquetball court, on eBay. But here’s my question: If you put in a serious bid, would Brett have considered giving you a tour?
Russian military patrol boat
Number of bids: 44
Amount it sold for: No sale. The highest bid of $85,100 did not meet seller’s minimum
According to the seller, who is a Russian citizen, this is “a superb vessel.” Unfortunately, he didn’t go into much more detail. I can understand that. After all, the international arms market is rather hush-hush. Just one question: What could someone use this for, patrolling the moat around their castle?
Ex-wife’s wedding dress
Number of bids: Unknown (but over 8 million people viewed the item)
Amount it sold for: $3,850
The cool thing about this item is the story behind it. This guy hated his ex-wife so much that he posted pictures of himself wearing her wedding dress, as well as a rant about how awful she was, and made a profit on her dream by selling the gown. You’ve got to love this guy’s style. We’ve all been pissed at our exes, but who among us has actually made a few bucks bitching about them? -
Notes: 4 / 2 years ago
the black metal knight is an odd, multifaceted creature; when he is not adorned in his elaborate band getup, he wears green sweatpants and arizona wolf tees.
this guy has dreams of one day relocating his band to norway, but in the meantime settles for his mom’s basement. he tries to make ends meet by working at the local comic book store, where he passes the time playing d&d and world of warcraft. with his career choice being unprofitable, he has suffered a series of financial setbacks that relate back to the upkeep of his image. two months worth of paychecks have gone towards having a frank frazetta clone paint his band’s cd cover. in addition, his stage getup has put him well over $800 in debt to the home depot and various bondage stores. if that wasn’t enough, medical bills have been piling up- the fearless knight suffered from a severe case of frostbite while filming a music video during a blizzard. regrettably, the aforementioned music video has enjoyed but 33 views on youtube to date.
the black metal knight recently suffered from perhaps the greatest embarrassment of all while onstage at the local dive bar. drunk past the point where he could comprehend his actions, the “kvlt” one accidentally applied his corpse makeup in a manner reminiscent of wcw’s sting. fortunately for him, his drummer was also inebriated and emerged as a passable gene simmons.
unlike his predecessors, he has never set a church on fire. he has, however, slipped and burnt his hair with his mom’s straightener. -
Notes: 2 / 2 years ago
here is “a message to you rudy”- give it up! although most of his favorite bands have ditched their brass sections for screaming and tight pants, the ska kid holds true to his checkered past.
there are still two-tone armies skanking the night away, though, to the tune of washed-up bands all across the united states. gone are the days when ska bands lived the high life in big-name clubs. nowadays, the ska kids flock to sweaty vfw halls and teen centers.
the rude boy was never good at any sports, so instead he opted to join the marching band which, incidentally, led to the formation of his own group. the band enjoyed their biggest success at a recent high school battle of the bands, where they showcased their originality by covering the reel big fish cover of a-ha’s “take on me”.
the majority of ska kid’s funds go towards the repair of his vespa, which he totalled after spilling his pez while speeding. someday the ska kid might be able to afford the fred perry and ben sherman gear he so covets, but for now the hawaiian shirts from goodwill will have to do.
this kid seems to have missed the memo about ska being dead; one can only assume he forgot to “pick it up!” -
Notes: 2 / 2 years ago
oi! this reject attempts to relive the spirit of ‘77 but, alas, was born in ‘91.
as a lover of music that revolves around the poor and working class, it only seems fitting that this street punk resides with his parents in their greenwich, ct mcmansion.
like most in his scene, he doesn’t know the first thing about politics aside from what his father brings to the dinner table. he has a strong stance against fascism, racism and sexism even though he has no idea what any of those terms truly mean. this punk firmly believes in anarchy, but this does not stop him from posting all day on the rupert-murdoch-owned myspace.com.
although his lifestyle may seem to embrace rebellion and individuality, the pseudo-punk spends plenty of time ensuring that his leather jacket is adorned with enough studs and patches to look just like those of his friends. he claims to be ambivalent about what anyone thinks of his looks, but he will go out of his way to put elmers glue and five cans of hairspray into his liberty spikes so they can stand as tall as possible.
when asked about his fashion, he will firmly attest that clothing does not define a punk. rather, the offbeat form of dress is simply a sign that encourages unity and deflects negative nuisances- which is, ironically, how everyone else views them. -
Notes: 4 / 2 years ago
this grizzled scene veteran often works in the music industry but he can’t stand anything associated with it. he tends to be apathetic toward anything and everything, with the exception of the recent hot water music reunion or his yearly excursion to the fest in florida.
he daydreams endlessly about moving to gainesville or richmond where he can participate in the scene firsthand, but for now he is stuck behind messageboards. this modern day lumberjack often aims to be “first!” on punknews.org and wishes death upon any band that seeks financial help after flipping their van.
while his fashion might not be as over-the-top as other scenesters, he’s just as identifiable with his signature scraggly beard, cowboy shirt, jade tree alumni tattoos, and swamp-like smell.
bitter and beaten, his days of stage dives and high fives are long since over. the orgcore punker is left drowning his sorrows over chuck ragan singles and a case of pbr. recently, after being dumped, his sense of apathy reached a new high; he announced to his ex that he was going to get a sandwich. -
Notes: 4 / 2 years ago
in a scene flooded with jet-black hair, piercings, and eyeliner, this spunky dude is a breath of fresh air. unfortunately for him, he looks just as silly as his contemporaries and appears to be suffering from an even worse identity crisis.
one could argue that he might be the male equivalent of rainbow brite. his wardrobe primarily consists of brightly-colored american apparel products. this might be acceptable and even cute for a teenage girl, but for a 20-something guy with hairy legs? this is a problem.
it doesn’t stop there! he appears to be reliving his childhood; he embraces nostalgia in the form of retro video games, ninjas, robots, dinosaurs, 80’s icons, and anything with a moog synthesizer.
despite his uber flamboyant appearance, his nostalgic tendencies, and his dedication to pop-punk prepackaged for preteens, he does have one masculine quality: a crush on paramore’s lead singer, hayley williams.
sadly, she is nine years his junior. -
Notes: 2 / 2 years ago
this utterly useless scene queen is internet-famous for no apparent reason other than the fact that she looks like a clown and is as naive as she is colorful.
she claims that she invented fashion trends like stripes and becomes furious if anyone “steals” her hairstyle or any of her other patented looks. making it a point to hunt down anyone who has a similar style and subsequently spending countless hours chastising others, she still can’t help but wonder why she only has friends in the online world.
the scene queen boasts that she is buddybuddy with fellow myspace icon jeffree star, but outside of gender-bending 15 year-olds, who really cares?
like most “artsy” girls her age, she has dreams of being a fashion designer and attempts to pass off bedazzled trinkets from michaels as jewelry. all that she has truly mastered is the art of manipulating mindless fans into buying her cheap junk through endless blog postings.
do mommy and daddy really know what their little girl is up to when she really should be doing her homework? -
2 years ago
he’s the last of a dying breed. the prehistoric emo only emerges from the depths of his studio apartment when his favorite bands reunite for one last show- and even then, he shows no sign of enthusiasm whatsoever.
once an avid fan of the underground emo scene, he now cringes at the sight of today’s batch of kids. he avoids mainstream media altogether, would rather listen to npr than podcasts and has no idea why anyone would panic at a disco. his favorite thrift stores are now raided by trend-hopping teens, making him resort to wearing the same vintage tees he has had for years.
he cries when he listens to pinkerton and spends days at a time organizing his vinyl collection. he refuses to join the kids on the current social networking sites as he finds them repulsive, yet seems to forget about the long since abandoned makeoutclub account he made years ago.
his casual-yet-somewhat dorky look has become the mainstream, and he is no longer identified as the emo king he once was. tear.
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Notes: 6 / 2 years ago
with more gaudy accessories than a williamsburg thrift store, this gal uses her daddy’s credit card to stay hip! she is an art school dropout and has no intention of furthering her education. rather, she aspires to become a hairdresser one day; beauty school, here she comes! please note: this will not actually happen.
her taste in music taste changes based upon what’s being spun at whatever club is trendy that week. dance music is her absolute fave, but her friends have no idea about her checkered past.
once a ska queen, she now works as hard as she can to preserve her fashionable hipster image by mimicking the incoming trends, and immediately ditches anything that might have been cool two minutes ago. this behavior prevents her from forming any individual identity whatsoever.
she aspires to work in the fashion industry, and she will- folding clothes at old navy for the rest of her life.
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Notes: 2 / 2 years ago
he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smoke, and premarital sex? well, maybe. unlike his nerdy scenester counterparts, this guy takes care of himself. his daily exercise routine consists of 50 roundhouse kicks, performing windmills until his shoulders give out, and at least 10 minutes of mock stage dives into his parents pool.
he’s from a rare breed of the hardcore fan; very few exist past the age of 21. due to their adolescent abstinence, guys like this often lose all signs of their former “posi” attitude and become raging alcholics. awkward doesn’t even begin to explain how difficult it is to explain “edge” tattoos to chicks at the bar.if you want to contact him for crucial mosh tips, don’t hesitate to IM him at xedgextilxdeathx
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Notes: 3 / 2 years ago
she’s 14 and spending every dime her parents give her lining her favorite bassist’s pockets! pete wentz is her idol and in her eyes he can do no wrong, whether he’s designing teeshirts, sponsoring bands, or posing half-naked for gap.
the would-be tattoo on her calf? she stood outside a chili’s for three hours in the freezing chicago winter in order to wrangle that one. it’s sharpie right now, but the minute she turns 18 it’s going permanent.
she’s sick of all the kids at school who claim to be fob fans, she has been there since the bands inception (2006). she knows no one loves her boys like she does; she may be young, but she’s absolutely convinced she’ll eventually be pete’s one true love.
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